I have never thought of myself and my behavior as much as I have done in the last couple of months.
I am following the patterns and I am being aware more than ever to find the roots to some repeated actions and reactions that make me uncomfortable from time to time. The ones that are not really me but when they happen I don’t have any control over. The ones that prevent me from discovery, adventure and new challenges. The ones that tell me I am perfect having a routine mediocre life when I know there is more to explore.
I am reading and listening a lot these days and in between I am trying to analyze. I listed to Brene brown’s talk on vulnerability a couple of years ago and I enjoyed it a lot however I never paid that much attention to it. Recently I listened to that talk and other talks by her and I thought that I need more on these subjects.
I have started to read her book about the art of being imperfect and as much as I have heard a lot about the idea of perfectionism I have realized for the first time that the main reason for being conservative is simply perfectinism.
I remember as a graduate student out of school one of the key strength which was always emphasized on was being perfectionist.
Now I know not only this is not a quality but my number one obstacle to move forward by sharing my ideas in this world. As she describes in The Gifts of Imperfection:
“perfectionism is not the same thing as thriving to be your best. It is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it is the thing that is really preventing us from taking flight.
Perfectionism is not self-improvement. As its core, it is about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievements and performance. Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accimplish and how well I accomplish. Please, Perform, Perfect. Healthy striving is self focused -How can I improve?, Perfectionism is other focused -What will they think?
Perfectionism is often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life paralysis.Life paralysis refers to all the opportunities we miss because we are too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect. It is also all of the dreams that we don’t follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes and disappointing others. It is terrifying to risk when your are a perfectionist: your self-worth is on the line.
Perfectionism is more about perception. We want to be perceived as perfect. “
I don’t know how you relate to these lines but this is exactly the story of my life. And as I described in previous posts without having the knowledge on the terms and details, I am fed up with the perception of success and the approval of others. Although I am addicted to these approvals and applauses I am ready to give it all up to live my dreams and challenge myself. And I know now that one thing I have to fight with the most is perfectionism.