I had very good habits when I was much younger and I was living with my parents. I guess the fact that I didn’t have to think of anything serious such as paying the bills, cooking, cleaning or even working helped me to establish some habits for myself. Or maybe it was the other way around. I was a teenager and I was being exposed to various activities by my parents with the hope that I will own some of these habits and will keep them with me for the rest of my life. My habits ranged from practicing yoga to playing tennis, skiing, playing flute and also reading books. So although I enjoyed doing most of them it was always a bit of pressure on me from the family to get better and usually as parents want to be the “Best” not only in one field but in all of them.
It might be the reason that when I left Iran and my parents at the age of 23 and I started to live 10,000 km away in a land that they knew nothing about I dropped them all. I guess part of me wanted to discover what “I” really enjoyed and not “Others” so I have lost all the habits; no exercise for couple of years, no serious skiing in Canada, the land of this sport, and no music. I also got really busy learning the basics of life plus integrating in the new society, studying and working all at the same time that I had enough excuses to convince myself to stop them all.
To be honest with you I sometimes even think that the whole idea of leaving whatever I have built so far and starting from scratch again comes from the same mentality. The mindset which decides to update the old system, the heart which sees the necessity of being a REBEL every decade for defining new standards, new meanings and new challenges.
But the story doesn’t end here. The interesting discovery is that I have realized that in the process of finding and defining my challenges in life for my 30s I am dragged into my old habits. After 9 years living abroad on my own I have restarted my old habits such as reading, exercising, skiing and so on and to be honest with you I feel so comfortable doing them as we have never said goodbye to each other almost 10 years ago. But I am somehow confused as I don’t know which one is the real me, the one who used to do all the activities with no passion in the teen years or the one who left all the habits and just struggled for a routine life in the 20s or the one who is searching for a new meaning in life using the exact old habits as the tools in the 30s!!! I don’t know maybe that is the evolution of a life that I am witnessing right in front of my eyes.
Whatever it is I am excited more than ever to see what comes out of this phase.