Today my mind was more restless than ever. I am practicing to deal with negative thoughts that I have all the time. I have to spend 30 minutes every day bienvenueing the negative thoughts and criticisms accompanied by sarcasms sometimes! and try to deal with them by understanding what I want to get out of each and every thought and how I want to do it. As quite challenging the exercise itself is I realized the time that I have chosen is the worst as well. Because before going to bed I give myself the rush of all these negative thoughts and since I am not done with them they might appear in my beautiful nightmares and in my morning meditation when they invade me stronger than ever. These two exercises are exactly the opposite of each other. In one you are letting the thoughts go and in the other you are inviting them. So basically they shouldn’t be right after each other, one as the last activity to finish the night and the other to start the day. I figured it out and I hope I will never have the same meditation experience in which I was fighting with myself instead of focusing on my breath. I was too involved that there was no way for me to concentrate.
But what are the negative thoughts?
As my coach was describing this week for me negative thoughts are like a spoiled little girl. She comes to you crying for something and you have various options on how to respond to her:
- To tell her to shut up.
- To think that you can’t handle the situation and leave her to grab a drink or watch a movie.
- To start crying with her and to think of all your miseries at the same time.
- Or to Simply ask her “What is wrong? Why are you crying?”
As simple as it sounds we don’t do this exercise often with ourselves and our inner voices. We crack them down, and ignore them to PERFECT our lives. However, from what I have experienced recently all my inner voices echo one point to me despite the perfect shell that I have created for myself and that is :
I DO NOT FEEL ENOUGH
I am realizing more than ever that there is a huge difference between improving and growing than destroying yourself into pieces and that is what at least I have been doing and I am still doing with full force. And that is the reason that I thought that my inner child has to be taken care of to be able to grow with me so that we can build a trust and help each other instead of criticizing one another all the time. This little girl needs to grow with me so we can make critical decisions together, otherwise how can I manage huge shifts in my life, experience failure, and be vulnerable when I am THE obstacle of my own life?
So as we might be all on the same boat I suggest before making changes in jobs, status, countries or anything else, we take one major step and that is to build a trust with ourselves and I guess that can’t happen unless we listen to our inner voices thoroughly and profoundly.
I am not giving any advice as I have just started to register my negative thoughts for the first time in my life two nights ago, but trust me it works!